I screamed: “I need support”!
Hello my dear friend,
We are moving into a new Season, the season of Spring and re-birth!
You haven’t heard from me in a good while now and that is because I have been busy rebirthing myself.
Judging from my Facebook and Instagram pics, it may look like I have been on holiday for 2 months. Nothing could be further from the truth!
2 years ago, I created a vision board with me, Costa Rica and a computer on it. Once I made that vision a non-negotiable, I made myself super coachable (showing up with a willingness to dig deep and learn from the best), invested more money in growing my business than I used to earn in an entire year, and worked hard.
I have always worked hard, but never before with such clarity around my Soul’s purpose and my vision for life.
The energy of vision and purpose has fuelled many long nights and weeks, making sure I took consistent action building the Wish Tree Academy.
But the moment I arrived in Costa Rica, 6 weeks ago, something happened.
I was in a state of overwhelm. I had worked day and night 7 days a week for the whole month of January – my company was growing because I was growing.
I came away from my time with Lisa Nichols and her Mastermind with a wonderful action plan, but looking at it, I knew there was no way I would be able to do it all by myself. Not whilst coaching my clients in two programmes with a third on the way, as well as talking to people interested in working with me!
I wasn’t enjoying the beach. I felt stress in my heart.
My heart was aching because it wanted me to enjoy the beauty, the nature, the pure life – Pura Vida – that is intrinsic to the Costa Rican way of life. Yet, my immediate to-do list meant I was up late and up early to keep on top of things.
3 days into our stay my body was officially on strike and I screamed out loud:
“I need support! I need help! I need help!”
My mind was now talking to me: I want to be able to not be in charge of everything, at all times, every moment of every day. I don’t want to do this alone anymore. If the only difference between Manchester and Montezuma is the sun, but life is the same, then something has to change.
The next day I was on a boat to Envision festival, and I got to feel into just how much I have been neglecting the Divine Feminine in me. Having grown up to be both self-sufficient and financially independent already as a teenager, I was the woman who would be proud of the fact that she could run a business without help for 10 years! Right?
When we got back from the festival I got sick, really quite sick. I thought I was on the brink of pneumonia. I still showed up for work, and then rested as much as I could.
Although I have a wonderful assistant, graphic designer and accountant who help me tremendously, there was something missing. I was tired.
“I need an MD!” I yelped. I want to truly experience my breathtaking life that I have worked so hard for and broken through so many limitations to enjoy.
My Divine Feminine was in a state of revolution! It was rising up in me like a volcano. I want to be held, I want to be deeply held and receive support in a way that makes it possible for me to truly focus on my gifts!, it called.
It was in that moment that my husband, Rick, suggested that he’d step in.
“I’ll be MD”, he said. “I haven’t got a clue what that means, but I’ll do it. Let’s make this our joint dream, our life.”
I cried. I nodded, and whispered “Yes. Yes please. It makes sense… I think I have secretly wanted you to do that for a while. We can have a different life….”
It was a transformational moment for us both. In that moment my husband chose to leap towards a life of freedom he has never experienced before, whilst stepping out of his comfort zone in a big way. I chose a life of allowing myself to be held. A partnership. A shared dream, vision and life. It was groundbreaking.
This decision means that Rick will eventually take over 50% of my workload so that I can focus on creating, coaching and facilitating transformation.
From this place of relief, rest and surrender has arisen the energy of possibility, of expansion.
Allowing ourselves to be truly held means deep rest. Because we are no longer on high alert. No longer always problem solving or processing or serving. I realised that this shift was a direct reflection of my inner state. A reflection of how much I had healed, of how much of my not enough wound I had let go of, how much of the perfectionist I had said bye-bye to, how much I had allowed myself to feel comfortable with vulnerability. How in fact, I longed for that same vulnerability I had spent decades running from.
I cast my mind back to the younger version of me – often numb, pleasing for peace, co-dependent, working hard but for not much pay, fearful of my heart being broken. I smiled at her with nothing but love.
Look you! Look at where you are now! Look at what you have brought into your life experience simply by never giving up on the possibility of peace.
As we return to the UK, we know we go back to a different life.
In the past two months I have leapt afraid with Lisa Nichols, and embraced my Divine Feminine at Envision Festival. I have allowed old grief to surface and work itself through my body. I have put a plan in place for more online presence, and I have worked on my soul brand identity through new photos and graphic design. I have created new training modules and I have completed a book proposal.
I have also allowed myself rest, rejuvenation and processing. I am setting better boundaries. The more committed I become to the life of my dreams and my heart-led business, the more I know just how important boundaries are and just how important commitment is in all my relationships. If I commit I expect others to commit.
Our breathtaking life starts with commitment.
So today, my invitation for you is to ask yourself:
To what extent am I committed to my breathtaking life?
To what extent am I allowing myself to be held or helped?
What fears around vulnerability do I need to let go of in order to allow myself to be held?
What steps am I taking, today, towards my breathtaking life?
To check out and participate in the conscious conversation around all of these topics, join our beautiful community, Time to Shine! if you haven’t done so already.
Want to connect directly with me to feel into what your version of a breathtaking life looks like and how to get there?
Book yourself in right now using this link!
With my Love, and commitment to your heart-led journey,